Forgiveness
by Phoenix2000
Summary: A result of roleplaying. Karr is afraid of losing his love after he confesses his dark past to her.


Disclaimer: Knight Rider and it's characters belong to Universal and Glen Larson. Phoenix is mine. Lucky and Storm belong to their respective owners. This is purely a result of roleplaying

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She walked to her room in a daze. She had been sitting in the garden all afternoon crying her heart out. Nobody was about inside and she was glad for that little favor. She didn't need anybody to see her right now and she was not in the mood to explain her absence at dinner.

Slipping quietly into her room she went to the bathroom and showered for the night. The warm water felt so soothing on her that she just stood there leaning against the wall letting it run. After what seemed like ages she turned it off and stepped out donning a terry bath robe. She looked at herself in the mirror and gasped. What a mess. Her eyes were red and puffy still from all that crying and she had a haggard look on her face. Shaking her head she turned out the light and went over to her bed and sat.

On the nightstand closest to her was a picture. A picture of him. It was taken not all that long ago under the large trees out back. She sat and stared at it. The tears fought to come again and she didn't fight back. Gently taking the picture, she hugged it close to her breast and laid down letting the sadness and tears flow through once again.

She loved a killer.

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Karr watched her from the time he got to the garage.

His confession was the hardest thing he had ever done. It broke his heart to watch her walk away like she had. The truth was out now, in the open,...she knew what he had done. He would let her decide whether she wanted to let their relationship continue or fall apart. Right now he didn't have much hope in ever feeling her love for him ever again. If she still even had any love for him anymore.

He had pulled into the garage silently, darkened his windows, and shut off his scanner. He wanted to shut out the world as best as he could.

But now he quietly watched her. He loved her more than anything he could ever imagine. Other than Kitt, she was the only one that would accept him for the way he was. The only one that would ever show any loving affection to him. She was never scared of him like the other people of the Foundation were. But now their whole world had changed with one revelation...he had killed.

It didn't matter to him whether he was in his right mind at the time. It still happened and it haunted and tormented his very being.

He watched her pick up the picture of him she kept by her bedside. Watched her hug it to herself and lay back down. Crying herself to sleep holding the picture close to her heart.

That tore into him.

"Please find it in your heart to forgive me." He thought to himself.

He felt an odd aching spreading all through his systems. His water pressure suddenly rose and he began to feel a mistiness all along his circuitry. For the first time in his wretched life...he cried.

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Kitt watched as his brother silently drove away.

Karr had wanted him there when he told Phoenix the terrible truth. He really didn't expect the reaction she gave him. An arguement was what he was thinking would happen between the two, but it didn't. She just got out, paced a bit, told him she wanted to be alone, and left. It was a shock to him when Karr had told him. He tried to put himself in Phoenix's place. When somebody that you love deeply and trust with your very soul, suddenly tells you that they had killed in the past...

Watching him drive away he made a decision. He would go straight to Bonnie and get the details of what happened. He needed answers. There had to be an explanation of why Karr did what he did.

He did a quick scan of the mansion and found Lucky and Storm on the back veranda. They were busy laughing at some joke or other. Satisfied that his love was preoccupied he drove away to the lab where he knew Bonnie would be.

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Bonnie was busy in her little office when she got a call.

"Hello?"

"Bonnie? I am on my way to see you. Could you spare me a little of your time?"

"Oh hi Kitt. Is something wrong?"

"I need to talk to you about Karr."

"Oh? What's wrong?"

"It's about his past. Specifically the time before he was deactivated."

silence

"Alright. Meet me outside at the lunch break area."

He arrived to find her sitting at one of the picnic tables. He pulled up and opened his door for her. She sat in with a strained look about her.

"What did you want to know?"

"I need the truth Bonnie. What exactly happened on the day he was on the test track for the first time?"

"What has he told you first of all?"

"He killed three of the technicians that were there. He doesn't know why he did it but it torments him to this day. Now he came clean with Phoenix and I fear that their relationship may be in jeopardy because of it."

Bonnie rubbed her forehead and gave a troubled sigh.

"It's true Kitt what happened. Devon swore to keep it under wraps as best as he could. The only people that knew of this were he and I, two others that witnessed it, and now you and Phoenix. Jennifer doesn't even know."

"But Bonnie, why did it happen?"

"We towed him back to the lab and ran every test we could think of. Everything we did came up inconclusive. The techs that he hit were standing near a mockup of several gunmen. It was deduced that he was acting on his basic programming...self preservation. He apparently saw them as a threat along with the dummys. We had our orders from Wilton to deactivate him immediately. And well, you know the rest."

Kitt sat there thoughtful for a moment.

"He also told me that you would not erase that particular memory of his. You referred to it as 'similar to brainwashing'?"

"Yes. Most of us wish we could forget some particular tough time in our lives but we eventually get over it or work it out. That is what I was hoping he would do. Then Phoenix came along and his whole world changed for the better...or so I thought. Apparently this has been gnawing at him for some time?"

"He hasn't been himself for the past few weeks. He would spend a lot of time 'thinking' as he called it. Phoenix had been a bit worried about him too."

"Kitt I don't know what to say to make things better. They will just have to work it out amongst themselves. Phoenix has often told me her feelings for him and I don't believe she will let him go for anything. It will just take time."

"Where is he now?"

"He was in the garage when I left. I'm sure he is still there...waiting for her decision. Bonnie I'm very worried about him."

"So am I Kitt. Why don't you head back and check on him. He could sure use his little brother to lean on right now." She gave him a reassuring pat on his wheel and got out.

"Thank you for your time Bonnie."

"Anytime Kitt." She watched him leave and headed back inside, hoping that things would work out for both of them.

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Kitt mulled over all that Bonnie had said on his way back. Apparently it all boiled down to his programming. It wasn't the first time he was glad for Karr's reprogramming. Oh he still had that feeling of darkness about him, but he was not the same 'person' as he was then. Then, like Bonnie had said, Phoenix came along. Like a ray of sunshine for him.

It was evening when he pulled up to their garage. All the doors were down and locked. He scanned the interior and saw that indeed Karr was inside. He slowly raised the door and quietly rolled inside.

He lowered the door once more, locked it, and sat there, waiting for Karr to say something...anything. He noticed his windows were darkened and his scanner was dark as well. Karr seemed to quiver just the slightest bit and this got Kitt's attention the most.

Quietly in a soft voice, "Karr?"

no response

He decided to try their private link, cautiously.

"Karr?"

A wave of emotion hit him hard over the link. Hurt, pain, sadness. Kitt was so overwhelmed by what Karr was transmitting to him that he tried hard to squelch it just a little. He felt so sorry for him that he silently rolled over beside him. He turned just enough that his fender touched Karr's. Bonnie's words came back to him..."He could sure use his little brother to lean on right now." He attempted to send comfort back over the link to him but the pain Karr was feeling was too great. He quietly spoke to him...

"I love you Karr and I'll be here for you."

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That next morning Phoenix woke feeling worse than she did the night before. She must have stayed in the same position all night because the picture was still in her grasp. She lay there recalling events of the day before. She just couldn't believe it. What made him do such a horrific act? Anger quickly replaced sorrow.

She got up and dressed and made her way purposefully to Devon's office. She would get to the bottom of it all.

Devon was just sitting down for his morning tea when she came barreling in.

"Devon we need to talk now!"

He looked at her aghast.

"I beg your pardon young lady?"

"I want to know why you never told me of Karr's past. Starting with the day he made his first test run at the track." She was mad and getting more so. Both her hands were on the desk as she glared at him.

He gave her a startled look which quickly turned to worry over what exactly she had heard.

"Who mentioned that to you?"

"Karr."

This was serious, he thought to himself.

"Please, have a seat."

She decided to give him his room and sat down.

He reiterated the same story that Bonnie told Kitt the day before.

She was stunned.

"But Devon, why didn't you tell me EVERYTHING about my partner? He knows everything about me."

"I've told you everything the same as I've told all of the other applicants for the job. Karr is different now than he was back then. He has been reprogrammed. There is no need to fear him going on a rampage ever again. What happened is in the past."

"But didn't you think it would be fair if I did know? I mean...Karr has been dwelling on this for a long time and it has slowly gotten worse till he fessed up to me yesterday. He is now afraid he might lose me because of the fact."

"Phoenix, I truely am sorry but you have to understand my position in this as well. Please try to understand that I was only trying to protect you. When I noticed you and Karr becoming closer I prayed that he would tell you the truth in his own time."

"Well, he did." She rubbed her head thinking.

"Phoenix, I sincerely hope that this does not change the way you feel about him. Bonnie tells me that he has grown quite fond of you."

"Yeah, you could say we're close." Her anger quickly left her as she thought of what to do next.

"Um...I'm sorry for flying in here like I did it's just..."

Devon waved it off. "No need to appologize my dear. I am relieved that this is out in the open for the both of you. I only pray that the two of you can work things out."

"Yeah. I better go and look for him." She gave him a small smile and left.

Devon sat there worried about them. He truely hoped that they would work this out as he had a new operative arriving soon.

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Kitt left Karr still in recharge to look for Lucky.

He had been up most of the night trying to comfort him. It wasn't till the wee hours of the morning that Karr finally succumbed to exhaustion and shut down.

As he drove along he wondered whether he should tell Phoenix what Bonnie had revealed to him the previous day or have Devon talk to her. He scanned the house and found Phoenix in Devon's office. He turned up the audio and discovered that his question had been answered. Devon was giving her the same details that Bonnie had him.

Satisfied with that he continued on to find Lucky.

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She left Devon's office and didn't get far when her stomach started to protest. When was the last time she had eaten anything? She tried not to think of yesterday and headed to the Foundation's cafe.

On her way there she passed Lucky. Smiling at her she hurried on past. She didn't want to seem impolite to her friend but she really didn't want to talk to anybody but Karr at the present.

Lucky turned and watched her go, wondering what she was in a hurry for.

A cup of coffee and a donut was breakfast. She made her way quickly down to the garage hoping he would be there.

Along the way she had time to think. Their lives had been an emotional roller coaster the past several weeks. So much had happened between them and now...this. She could only believe that this would only strengthen their bond not isolate each other.

She approached the garage apprehensively.

What should she say first? Should she let him speak up first? Her nerves were on edge as she approached and punched in the code to open the door.

She opened it slowly and walked inside. He sat there dark and foreboding it seemed to her...a kil...NO! She thought to herself. He is NOT the demon that he was years ago! Despite everything she loved him tremendously and they would get through it together.

Sighing, she closed the door and leaned back against it, watching him for any sign of acknowledgement of her presence. His scanner flickered to life and slowly tracked. They stayed there just watching each other, neither knowing quite what to say to the other.

Finally she walked over to him and knelt in front of him. The words just wouldn't come for either of them.

Slowly reaching out as far as she could she took him in her embrace, burying her face by his scanner.

She whispered to him, "I love you and there is NOTHING that you can do or have done that will ever change that. I want to help you get through this no matter what it takes. I forgive you."

Karr never felt such relief as when she uttered those words to him. He gave her a warm, slight vibrating sensation. Hugging her in return.

He whispered back, "Oh how I love you too Nixy."

Things were different now, but their love and devotion to each other would only deepen in the future because of it.


End file.
